6 toxic friends to watch out for

The following is from The Freshman Survival Guide

You will find so many good people on a college campus - friends that will last a lifetime.  But you will also find people that could drag you down and keep you from finding your full potential.

Here are six kinds of people to watch out for:

1. The constant Crisis - These are friends that are always in a state of crisis.  They constantly need you to listen to their problems and they never seem to be free of them.  With these friends, you may want to encourage them to campus services (such as counseling) and surround them with more friends than just you so that you are not their only source of help.

2. The Joker - It is natural to tease your friends and you should expect to be teased, but when you seem to be constantly at the wrong end of the joke, you may want to find friends that are more encouraging.

3. The Furious Friend - Watch out for friends that escalate easily - especially if they lash out, throw things, or punch walls.  These tendencies grow when a person is stressed, and college designed to be stressful.  

4.  The Liability (aka: You're not their mother!) - Some friends will never clean up after themselves and will leave you messes to take care of.  Let someone else be their mother.

5. The "No" Friend - These are friends that always want to do what they want to do and never what you want to do.  They never want to compromise and they expect you to do what they want.  You don't have follow such a person.  There is a lot of people on the campus that share your interests - finds them.

6. ​The Arm-Twister - It is good for friends to encourage you to try new things, but it is not good when you are pressured to go outside your comfort zone and compromise your values.  They may nag you or make fun of you in order to get you to do as they want.  You want to grow as a person, but you do not want to become someone that you don't want to be.

The point is, don't get locked into just one group of friends.  Find the people that will help you grow and do not feel guilty about passing over those that are holding you back.

But how do you disengage with people that are trying to monopolize your time?  Here are 3 things you might try:

1. Get busy. - Join a club or try an activity.  It will not only give you an excuse to leave the toxic friend, but will give you a bigger pool of people to choose from - many of whom will share your interests.

2. Branch out together - Because most toxic relationships are isolating - meaning that they are demanding your time in exclusion of other people - you should open up your friend group.  Invite others to join you (even if the toxic friend is against it).  Develop a larger friend pool so that the toxic friend can't just focus on you.

3. Let your feelings be known - Communicate your thoughts.  Don't be afraid to say when you do not like something or that you want to hang out with other people.  Don't talk about them behind their back or gossip about them - it will come back to haunt you.  Instead, be clear about what you want.  You can say something like "I came to college to expand my horizons and networks, and right now it seems like this is the best way for me to achieve that."

One college student summarized this by saying: "Your friends have an enormous influence on the person you are and the person you'll become.  Choose them carefully, and choose friends that are like the person you hope to be."